Friday, August 12, 2011

How I became a columnist

At the start of last week I received an email from the editor of The Bridge, suggesting that seeing as I appeared to enjoy sharing my thoughts with the world on a regular basis, then perhaps I would like to pen a weekly column. No pressure, I could write about anything I liked just so long as I “…don’t slander anyone, no name calling, no swearing and no constant advertising of your massage parlour – plus try to keep it truthful. Regards Pete” I agreed and ignored his faux pas regarding my remedial massage therapy clinic.
My tendency towards megalomania surfaced and soon I was envisaging a syndicated column on a global scale combined with an excellent passive income stream. By 5.30am the following morning however, I was frozen with anxiety and wondering how on earth I was going to write anything, let alone a weekly column? I had writer’s block and I hadn’t even begun my new literary career.
Since then I have pretty much swung between delusions of grandeur and a crisis of confidence of epic proportions. These wild swings of emotion may be due to astrology and the fact that my star sign is Libra. I once read that a Libran’s idea of a balanced diet was to pig out one day and starve the next. Moderation is not my thing.
Hopefully some weeks this column with make you think, laugh or think and laugh (even better), other weeks it might make you despair at the trivia that comes from the deep (and not so deep) recesses of my mind…. bear with me if you can.
In the interest of research I have spent a considerable amount of my spare time this week Googling “how to write”, “how to be a columnist” and “how to stop procrastinating”, borrowed the film “Marley & Me” from Peelies Video Store, cried watching the film “Marley & Me”, wondered if my column would improve if I got a dog and ordered a couple of books on how to be a writer.
To quote my good friend Jane, “Anyway, enough about me; what do you think about me?”

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